saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
