dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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