I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
