If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
