My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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