i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The Olympian is in my bed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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