Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
