So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
