we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
