i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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