my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
