i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
