You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my shit smells like andre
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
