Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
