Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
