they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
