Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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