U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
