where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
