I love black thongs
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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