One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
