Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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