I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
