the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
