in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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