Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
