how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
there is glitter all over my balls
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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