Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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