I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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