No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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