Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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