That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
