okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
