i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
