He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
