Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
