i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
