Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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