My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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