Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
