I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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