I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
