I'm so fucking centered right now
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
