Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
