This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
