Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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