Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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