wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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