Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
