woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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