you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
