your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
