I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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