How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
