so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
