You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why didn't you poke me back
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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