If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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