i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
