my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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