And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
