he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
