I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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