I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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