the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize