Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
