i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
