I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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