Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
