You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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