i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
