Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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