Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
