he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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