Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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