did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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